To Have, or Keep Close by Kim Van Den Hoek

His name became mine,

though he never agreed.

With unfamiliar eyes,

the deception cut deep.

A fictitious father,

gone without a trace.

He was not mine,

to have, or keep close.

He brought me home,

and called me his own.

A kind, quiet man,

steady and strong.

The father I cherished,

for a moment in time.

But storms came too early,

and swept him away.

A stranger appeared,

from trenches so deep.

No room was granted,

for this blemish to linger.

Bound by blood,

this father of mine.

Disgraced by my presence,

renounced without reason.

A simple reminder,

questions my being.

Words left unspoken,

forbidden to stay.

A gentle warrior,

I’ve quietly grown.

A seat at the table,

is not mine to own.

Searching for answers,

to stories untold.

Fathers by name,

but not mine to keep close.

K.V.

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I am a wife and mother of two boys, living in the scenic countryside of Hillsburgh, Ontario. Discovering the truth about my adoption and finding my place in the world has been a lifelong journey. I find comfort in writing about my experiences as an adoptee and connecting with other adoptees who share a similar understanding of the challenges we face together. I enjoy nature, hiking with my dog, macro photography, and noticing the beauty in everyday things.

IG: @aquietdisposition