The Day I Turned 20 by K. Kirk

The day I turned twenty

My world crumbled and began anew

The day I turned twenty

An announcement from a platform I was no longer familiar with took away

Everything.

In an instant.

In one instant I lost

Everyone I had known

My father, mother, brother

Grandparents, aunts, uncles

Friends

All dropped out of my life in that-

That one sentence.

“[REDACTED] is no longer one of Jehovah’s Witnesses.”

That is not even my name.

The day I turned twenty

shocked gasps and whispers filled the auditorium but

I could only sit, numb

And let the whispers wash over me

And then the anger.

You don’t even know my name.

How dare they grieve for me?

How dare they grieve someone they never cared to know?

How dare they sit there in their so called ‘righteousness’ and shun someone they claimed to love unconditionally?

My grandmother wailed in grief

Clinging to me as I walked out the door

Begging me not to leave.

It took everything in me

To gather myself

And walk away

You don’t even know my name.

I left a broken home a day later.

My mother, sobbing too much to even get out of the car and give me a proper hug goodbye

That was the last time I saw her.

You don’t even know my name.

In the back of my mind

They linger

Begging me to come back

To act like the person they wanted

That person isn’t me.

You don’t even know my name.

The day I turned twenty,

I entered a new world, not alone, but with new friends and old, my beloved by my side

This is why I left

To experience love

Compassion

Empathy

Happiness.

They finally know my name.

My world blossomed into colours brighter than I could’ve ever imagined

Experiences I never thought possible

My true name, my true self, open and bared for the world to see

I grieve as though for death

Even though they loom larger than life in my mind

I grieve for the child never loved for who they were

For the child told they weren’t good enough

For the child in me that still longs for their embrace no matter how much it burns

But they grieve for a ghost.

Nice to meet you. My name is Kairo.

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My name is Kairo, and I’ve been an artist through several mediums for nearly as long as I can remember.

After experiencing a deep loss of community after leaving a high control religion I had been raised in, I was inspired to write about my experience in hopes of finding a new community for myself and others like me. Please take my writing as a sign: never give up on finding your community, no matter how long it takes. 

@_actofcreation_